He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
