I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
