Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
