I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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