I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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