I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
