you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
