WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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