the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Randomize