Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
