I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize