He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
