dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
