Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
