I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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