i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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