Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
We had to coat check the pizza.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
They are going to name an STD after you.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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