I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
it's like heaven, but drunker
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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