The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
