you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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