my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
