yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
