The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
