If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
