wanna go halves on a baby?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
