dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
my being single is dangerous.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
