you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize