We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
