If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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