I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize