Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
