thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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