question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
