How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize