My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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