we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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