some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
