I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
