Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
