Jerry, you need to find god
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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