anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I will be naked everywhere
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
