how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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