Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
