I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
