How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
