I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize