this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
