My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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