so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
