Don't make out with my wife yet
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
