my sisters under your porch take her home
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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