I wannas sexs uuuuu
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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