Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
