Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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