When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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