After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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