I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
