He asked to "fluff my boner.."
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
