sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
