It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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