I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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