He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
