Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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