she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
