if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
