You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
