I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Randomize