I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
